I have a client that’s a sharp guy and works in IT. He gave me permission to post the below letter he actually submitted as defense for a speeding ticket he received in Wisconsin. He claims he can’t find any record of the ticket now.

It’s hard to say how that could be, but it’s an interesting reminder that judges are people too. When reading letter after letter written by people trying to get out of tickets, it likely can be rather monotonous. Maybe my client got lucky catching a judge with a sense of humor, maybe the officer thought it was funny and didn’t respond. Whatever it was, it’s an interesting letter and yes that website is something he made.

Note: I was not at all a part of of this in any way shape or form, and I removed the police officer’s last name and replaced it with Friendly

Dear Your Honor,

Here’s what happened. I was on my way back from a “judges deserve more pay” rally when Officer Friendly pulled me over saying I was going 85 MPH. This is outrageous! Then, I went online and found a very reliable website (http://bit.ly/speed-radar-tom-petty-it-must-be-true) which scientifically explains how vehicles listening to music by Tom Petty, are often incorrectly clocked at 20% faster than reality. Clearly, since this is on the internet, it’s an incontestable fact, and explains I’m only guilty of listening to good music.

The previous paragraph is not, and I don’t mean to showoff my legal vocabulary here, “true”. More seriously, if possible after such an opening paragraph, I am not guilty because I was going at a reasonable speed to get around a big truck. Officer Friendly is probably an ethical individual, but 85 MPH seems inaccurate or captured at the exact inopportune one second of time when I was free falling down a hill that was steeper than this $200 fine I’m facing.

For what it’s worth, I do take driving safety far more seriously than my traffic defense letters, particularly in construction zones. Since entering Wisconsin that evening, I can’t recall seeing a single construction worker. I’d also like to note that prior to this incident, I had an impeccable driving record which was a fact that I managed to insert into all kinds of conversations that had absolutely nothing to do with driving, or me.

Anyway, I’m sure you get a lot of ridiculous defenses, so hopefully my explanation fits right in. If this defense irritates you, my apologies. I’m just a guy that likes to type a lot — it’s not my intention to mock you, Officer Friendly, or safety. In the highly likely event that I’m required to pay a fine, please mail payment instructions to my address below.

Enjoy reading the rest of your letters.

Mostly Sincerely,